benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉











{February 16, 2007}   pale sunshine

last night i didn’t linger too much in cafe,and by being restricted to direct connection and posting via post2blog to 3 blog hosts all successfully i finished my routine swift.returned to the dorm i read awhile my blog then went to bed after 1:30 am.i restless for quite some time and worried my hot brain.however i slept sound later and dreamed a lot of building used as prisons,and quite some people tried all means to climbed the wall to evade being trapped in the building or move from one building to another.i also know intelligent youth(ziqin or zishiqingnian in chinese) in and after mao’s culture revolution era all infected with dog behavior.some of them operate till now but still in dog’s behavior.in the mid night i heard some strange sound likes baby’s cries but the dorm or aound can’t holding any baby.when i accepted its a new birth of baby,it ceased.i woke up early and stayed on bed wondering for some time till at 11:38 am or so i got up for lunch.then i ate the apple i brought from my baby’s mother’s home yesterday and haunted outside.i jogged some time on the way to the dorm in the dorm zone yard.after qrrsers went to work i went to borrow its magazines.but the gate blocked its employees late for half of an hour.i also waited there and one of its employees ever cooperated with me to shot program for qrrs’ cable tv when i worked once there chatted with me.then the library found locked.i returned and on the way remembered i should remit to "hope project".then i visited icbc but there were queues there.i then went to post office nearby and remit 222 rmb to beijing "hope project" for impoverished children of chinese less developed area.returned to dorm i listened radio on bed since then till dinner time.most time i wondering our love and marriage in fog.in the morning when i awake i recognized u might had scheduled to study aboard.i don’t know its illusion of dog’s exertion or message directly from u.i tossed in love with u.dinner was egg and green pepper and bean curd slice.after dinner i again listening radio music on bed.the neighbors with a thin paper wall apart from my room stayed there and exerting dirty will onto me and let me have to defense.later some female visited them.i left the dorm again at 9:57 pm to here to write u.
bye.dog in the cafe pestering me so i want to be swift.i love u,never anything can change it.u might venture the western world as u r young and endorsed,but u should know i m suffering for u,by u,and to u.in every boring moment u sensed after bubbles and ebbs,u will find my gaze in expectation unbeatable and evalueable.i love u like the sea blue deep,like the mountain lofty and clear and with dignity.love u is not as easy as pains taking, is not additive as music or paintings.love is my image of ur figure in the loneliest night,flashing and disappeared in street lamps after gases of taxi and dusts of rush foot step of passengers.l love u,in doomed light in the end.i hold u in every brink of cautious eyesight.
bye.baby,my dearest kin,my kid sister,love me,and not let me slide away.kiss u with blossom.i love u.no matter which way u chose or to choose.

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{February 15, 2007}   dry bright day

last night near 11 pm i was allowed to access most websites i had accounts via direct connection.i was seemingly encouraged to surf lately.returning to the dorm i read awhile my blog on pda then went to bed after 1:40 am.i dreamed in dawn of a guy,likely a qrrs’ graduate employee in one of the dorms,liked chinese boxing (sanda in chinese) training,who can use his leg kick the hot spot (xuewei in chinese) between eyes to let u tear.i spelt his name in dream,but after woke up his name into my mind was fang zhenjiang(square promote river).last night or in last sleep i dreamed my grand father smiling,and stay quite awhile in my dream cordially.i got up at 11:39 am and went to lunch.after lunch i strode in the open space on the south side of the workers’ palace of qrrs.when qrrser flocking to the factory,i returned to the dorm zone and jogged on the rim of the mini garden.then i returned to room to rest.i spent then 2 hours in sunshine.i know girl fang(quare) r well and ready.she now a china marine corp’s officer and temporarily working in the team of state security to monitor my web activities.she ruined the post in the new cafe about my mad history,for she can’t bear the broken story of our love in nankai unv. listening radio on bed,i roamed a lot of the pass time with brewing of love with her while seldom contacted.most songs broadcasted in the radio were love and let me even immersed in moving and forgiving.then my baby’s mother buzzed in to tell me she and my baby finished shopping.i then visited icbc,intending to remit some money from qrrs to "hope project" to subside poverty strike children of china.but only a window at service and quite some queue there.i also was told remission need national id card which i didn’t brought.so i returned to the dorm and picked my bike to visit my baby.my baby was sleeping when i arrived and his mother watching a war theme tv theater titled "pearl harbor",about japanese shock invasion to us.i sat down to eat peanuts with her.but soon my baby woke up and cried for sometimes.after him rejoiced,we played with him and let him glad.his mother ate most of the sugar gourd i bought in the way and the rest let my baby glad.then the grandma arrived with a box of apple and a box of orange.soon the girl student arrived and my baby show his friendship a lot to her,offered her oranges and hindered her from writing.when dinner was ready the tutoring didn’t finished and my baby kept offering meal to the girl student,so we suggested her to eat with us and she did.after dinner and the girl student left the grandma watched tv and we played with our baby and he really liked us to play games with him.when i found tv series concerning topic i cared i left.my baby first refused to farewell to me but later kiss me and goodbye to me.in the dorm i again felt the pains of love with girl fang(square) and a hot brain.i lean to try to cool it and found my link to the japanese girl who once studied with me in a class when i prepared my master degree entrance exam in nankai unv. .i left the dorm at 9:57 or 9:58 pm to write u.
recent snow was the ever thickest snow in the dog year of lunar calendar.it melting in day time but some of them still let the road bumpy.workers sure promptly to clean the road for travel.i like the snow very much.
bye.i love u.dear.i have 25 years with u.ur face was the faintest image in my mind.i love u so much,in every moment looking forward to being with u,with ur tall figure and slender buildup my heart tumbled.u r the most vivid dream of mine i can envision so far.i need u eager than any time.i can’t wait for our warm house and harmony family life.i kneel to the ground on which my grand father’s tablet stood to beg for ur presence sooner to me.i love u,with my heart and soul,live me a life more colorful,baby,not to let it continue being pale,i urged u.kiss u with flow of mountain steam from the most serene valley.kiss u again before bye to u.i love u forever.love me my baby.

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{February 14, 2007}   bright sunny day

last night in the cafe was dog chased.and it likely will continue to block my posting step by step and cafe by cafe.since 9 pm till now,half of an hour passed i can’t open any web site other than google in my firefox,after restarted firefox 2 times.i spent near 7 hours till 3 am to retouch my portable suit and blogging.returning to the dorm i read my blog then went to bed.i dreamed bush,the american president now,talked to us within a small gathering with his family.i got up at 2:49 pm and finding the sunshine enviable bright.so i walked outside in the open space around the workers’ palace of qrrs.i toddled awhile in the entrance of the little bush garden in left front of the palace,then a huge car approached to clean the snow.then an elder approached me and asking if i was from a factory of qrrs.i then moved to dorm and went to borrow magazine.but the library was locked.i returned to the dorm again and listen radio.then i noticed its valentine day.i doubting if i should go over to see my baby’s mother and decided to see them after dinner at canteen.i bought 3 hambergs and cup of cocacola,which was my baby’s favorite,at a price of 27 rmb with 3 coupon i bought from a customer couples there eating.the man of the couple let me doubting there is a dog,but i needn’t care anyone covert.i also bring a coffe cup offered by qrrs last day but it fell onto ground from my hand when i picked it out from the holder of my bike on the ground of the residential building and broke.my baby immediately asked to drink cola.the grandma there and likely had been there a day,as my baby’s mother told me yesterday.she soon finished tutoring the girl student and we finished eating the hambergs.soon dinner was ready by the grandma but they all ate less.then we couples played with our baby and he laughed a lot.the grandma soon watched tv and brewing dirty will or challenged us.my baby later tired and being milked but after his mother took off his coat he again asked to play.its clear that the grandma determined to stage after 2 of her sisters to challenge us.i also got a view that dog trying to distract me from my direct goat and underwent covert plot in aim to extending its day it can be in charge.i decided to leave when i know i m ready and my baby immediately left his mother’s milk to farewell to me.i kiss him again and again and left.i stayed in dorm for minutes then here first try my portable suit then write u.
bye.i love u.yesterday the magpies crowed on the tree in front of my window in the dorm.i m sure u r never more closer to me now.i love u, in sheer baby’s sensational fresh touch and new landscape.kiss u with beer.holding ur thick hairs to cover my face in touch with urs.i love u,never be more surer.

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last night was terrible for surfing.dog determined to waste my time in the cafe.i spent 6 hour merely let my portable suite neaty and blogging.i first tried online virus scan and dog let it hanged first time.second time 2 online scanner,namely kaspersky and trend, working but didn’t find any virus or spyware in my suit.my portable suit can be intact from dog,but also possible dog hijacked the online scanner,which was just an activex of ie.also active access scan was unable,so they hide and see with scanner,just like many occasions they can do anything on it can pestering.they most frequent and straight utility sure the router in their hands,they can let it automatically.they r earning to do that,in the dog rein to earned to dog chinese people.posting also painful,frequently returning failed pages.i insisted hand over 5 rmb as charge.when i arrived the dorm its 1:26 am and i felt worry about if the aunt left for their home and left my baby with his mother alone at home.i rest a moment then headed to see my baby and by the way transfered the materials offered by qrrs to my baby’s mother’s home.i was armful and i took a taxi.on the taxi i was obliged to talk about my situation and the driver sure intelligent.if not canny.my slept aside my baby and the spying eyes from the southern neighbor let me restlessly,sometimes even woke my baby up.his mother complained a lot on my troubling her.near dawn i fell into sleep but soon my baby asked my accompany to him.the aunt prepared breakfast with pies.i tasted some vinegar with my baby.i ate a lot of pie and porridge.then his mother left for her school.my baby soon asked to haunt outside.i just too sleepy to notice anything.we visited sports yard where lots of skaters and the south park where we caught up some morning exercise elders.we soon returned.i felt better then.after his mother returned i slept and didn’t eat lunch.i slept very sound.when i woke up his mother caring my baby playing.the aunt and the liu haunted outside,only the kid son lean on the bed.my baby sure more and more confident now, and also demanding.i cared him with his mother till the girl student arrived.then i walked a mile to the dorm and ate dinner there.i dozed in the room till 7 pm then i came here.till 1 am i started to blog.and almost 5 hours spent avoiding pestering of dog.
bye.i love u.in near and on far.i can see more stern challenge ahead with my web activities but i sure enjoy my part of pleasure of internet.kiss u with right.
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{February 12, 2007}   pale sunshine

last night in cafe posting was painful.dog’s block let it a test of endure ability.i got view that dog not only cost me more money on web but also more time being waste,less time to think on the web.my profile at myspace.com was hacked to error-prone.the day before yesterday it was being down but when i tried in ie near 0 am it resumed.then yesterday it again down.my google browser sync also under unauthorized modification and lost the status i logout last time.returning to the dorm near 0 am i read awhile my blog then slept at 1:26 am.dreams i can’t remember now.near 8 am the monitor of my once working place,qrrs, buzzed in to informed me going to the office to fetch bonus and financial aid before 8 am.i returned and slept till 1:08 pm getting up.finding the unclear sunshine i felt better jog outside and i went to the office.the monitor asked why i didn’t arrive on time then we went to the main office building.there i was offered 700 rmb and 2 qrrs’ uniform then waiting for the interview with the department director.we talked briefly,at the time the labor association chairman of department handed me another 700rmb.after the director left the monitor and the chairman,in family name of liu, accompany me to fetch some material bonus in its shop and help me bring them to my dorm room.i saw their out and wondering if i should sent them directly to my baby’s mother’s house.but i left to listen radio till 4:30 pm then i ate my dinner at a cost of 4 rmb.the female administrator of the canteen inquired me and i glad to talk about my recent status.after dinner i haunted around the open space surrounding the workers’ palace.when i returned,under the tree near the gate of the dorm zone some magpies rabbled loudly and let me wondering the moment of my arm around ur neck near,and my hand almost reach urs. i also sensed the arrangement of qrrs, maybe from the day i first time arrived back to 1991 when i graduated from nankai unv. after the turbulence of “6.4” beijing storm.old man’s covet layout still in good shape and history extending likes an mutton sheet.
after dinner i also buzzed my hometown and my mother wanted me took job and visit her next year.when i buzzed my baby’s mother she felt not so glad to know my not bringing materials newly got her home.i felt obliged to her.
bye.i love u.in near time i can sense.kiss u with god’s touch.kiss me,baby.i love u in the heaven.bye.



last night in the cafe being blocked heavily. i merely blogging
while costing 4 rmb for 4 hours.returning to the dorm i read awhile my
posts on my pda.the rats in neighbor room kept babbling and dirty me.so
i read awhile chinese traditional poems on my pda. i went to bed at
1:06 am.soon in the dream i sensed ur pains of ur love and ur penalty
to me of migrating to us.i wet dreamed then and woke up.i was heavily
upset,and saw quite some omen of the effect of ur giving up to our
love.i can’t judge what’s illusion and what’s omen, even sure dog
around exerting their coldness and dirty will.i got up at 9:23 am and
washed my bed rob then went to see my baby.he was near the 2 sons of
the aunt watching tv with their mother.he was told by them to pick me a
pair of slippers.i held him then till went to receive his mother who
now underwent normal teaching scheme at 10:40 am.i was in sincere low
spirit that i seldom talked.my baby directed me entered the sports yard
where lots of skaters even the sunshine melting dirty snow.then we
moved to the south park,where he asked for some candy.his nose running
and the vendor lend us tissue to mop.my baby very glad to play on the
mini plaza in the park and laugh and babbled a lot.later he walked to a
nearby grocery market.then i suggested to prepare to receive his mother
and we headed on.we entered the school later when the students
leaving.he then turned irritated and even worse after returning home
and was milked to sleep before lunch.lunch was fried beef which they
ate last night as the feast of the festival of lunar little year(xiao
nian in chinese).my pda’s calendar still indicating today should be the
festival and i also remembered the day in my hometown was right the
day.after lunch i dozed aside my baby and his mother soon left for her
school.my baby soon woke up while i sleepy.when he played on his own i
started to retouch my portable suit.then the aunt family left to fetch
their booked ticket from the railway station.my baby cried a lot not to
let me operate on  the pc,and i knew hacking around concentrated. my
baby even powered down the pc just when i copying the archive to
udisk.however, i didn’t scorn my baby after all my wrong scorns to my
baby while he is always right.later we mix some drink of juice powder
and beer to drink and he liked it very much.then i bathed him.he
enjoyed it very much,only when he can’t breathe when water covered his
face he need my caress.when i wrapped him with quilt sitting in the
sunshine on the balcony the aunt family returned and left some fussy
comments.i turned normal in spirit,and sang sometimes.near 4:20 pm when
went out to receive his mother.he again entered the school yard for the
gate was open.i sensed cop in the outpost of the gate spying closely
all time.my baby asked to walk on the dusty field track till his mother
approached us.then i went to public bathroom to shower.the bathroom
changed its boss.and a man before i arrived there being massaged and
continued that after i left.another man arriving when i leaving.my
baby’s mother tutoring a girl student and soon finished and dinner
ready.before dinner my baby ate a bowl of wheat food with spoon on his
own and felt glad.after dinner i recited some strong phrases and let my
baby stay in high spirit.when he asked his mother’s milk and slept,i
left.in the dorm i dozed awhile,listening radio.after 9 pm i came here
to write u.

bye.i love u,no matter how u treat me.i
admitted i can’t judge ur decision upon our love right now, and i
really care about my life ahead with u together.i need true love,but i
would suffer misery as the stories of artist.i broke my heart one time
and i think i don’t want ruin my soundness any more.

i love u,in every tiny sense it bares.love u in sunshine.kiss u with beer.



{February 10, 2007}   blunt sunny day

last night in the cafe was gliding of time, at a cost of 4 rmb.returning to the dorm its near 0 am and i read awhile my blog on pda till 1:30 am and went to bed.dog around spying concentrating and let me cost some time to settle down.i stayed awake for some time before i got up at 2:22 pm.then i walked around the front open space of qrrs,there were still sunshine on the ground.returning to the dorm i listened radio music.the topic of one of its program was jealousness.i reviewed my time with the occasional contacts with the girl fang (square) when i was in naikai unv. and later my time with my baby’s mother,and look forward to the time with u ahead.spying eyes thick in the dorm and let me restlessly.the canteen received less customers when i ate my only dinner there.on the way returning to the room i met 2 girls leaving with packages for their home,likely.i again listened radio awhile till my baby’s mother buzzed in and told me its little year (xiaonian in chinese),i refuted her according to the calender on my pda that tomorrow was.my baby at the time around 7 pm was said just slept.i came here to blog soon after and tried seeing why thunderbird ill working after packed into portable suit.dog now heavily blocked me,hindering me operating on http://www.diigo.com ,on which i created 2 groups under title of benzyrnill at http://groups.diigo.com/groups/benzyrnill and faezrland at http://groups.diigo.com/groups/faezrland and declaimed democracy of china and my royal of china.they also block quite some proxy of australia,most of them usually working and speedy.maybe they now need a boost of their loot to bargain with their host for bonus bone.
bye.i love u, in tear in dear.kiss u with beer.love u like the sunshine tomorrow.



last night in the cafe was worthy even dog finally blocked out my p2p download after all these temptations and taking away just to upset me,letting me getting about 200 mb stuff.i find lots of addons of firefox and enjoyed them very much, esp. the addon of google browser sync,with its function i had envisioned some time before i knew it.i just can’t wait for google’s network operation system and online office.the addon of deepest sender,dog again hindered me getting it,long time handicapped and some of its form box abnormal.hacker in dog team sure had some knowledge on these warez and just can’t help showily harnessed it.the only vacant likely a plot,for from the moment i picked it the keyboard and mouse were remotely controlled and just after i took the seat quite some empty seats appeared and soon i was besieged by babbling hooligans bustlingly till after 4 am.they smoked as their usual dirty trick to disgust me.after all who can save their pitiful fate of being buried with dust and shit?no longer than the life of a fly.
after returned to the dorm i ate my breakfast in the canteen.then i headed to see my baby.he was walking in the waiting room when i arrived,while his mother tutoring the 2 girl students and the kid son of the aunt.then with my baby in my arms or on my shoulders i hummed and sang and murmured to my baby,who played with caps of bottle on his own.when his mother started to tutor another girl student and held my baby to breed him i started to rebuild my portable suit on the pc.i reinstalled the os to prevent infection but sure dog around can harness wireless gadget to hack my operation again.but i don’t care more about it in the process of my operation.they infected my files can only had one advantage they can benefited,in my view, to inform them actively to hack me online when i surf ,via the spyware embedded into my file to server to search its client.other thing concerning privacy had all being in god’s view, and thief eyes in god’s set.i didn’t eat lunch when i operate on the pc,for i didn’t felt hungry.my baby was cared by the aunt for some time and was bore into sleep in his mother’s arms.i slept aside him when the pc let me free.but he soon woke up when i just felt into doze.after lunch his mother held my baby outside.i stayed at home to do my task.the liu and the aunt watched tv and severely attacked me.when my baby and his mother returned i merely finished my work,but yet to pack to my udisk.after finished my task and turned off the pc i cared my baby and sang a lot.the aunt and her elder son started to cook and before the dinner the grandma arrived.dinner was pie with potato slice and onion.i enjoyed it for i was very hungry.after dinner my baby played with my pda and thrown it twice onto floor but intact.when they chatted i felt sleepy and his mother suggested my leave and i admitted.in the dorm i dozed for an hour and here write u.i just so anxious about the fantasy of the newly added addons.

bye.i love u, in the turning corner in front of us.longest dark had faded its way.i saw the brew of our love.kiss u with beer.i love u,like beer in transparent light brown and green.kiss u again.

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last night in the cafe was a mess. i merely blogging while cost 3 rmb.later some men and female sat around me and bit me.turning to the dorm its already after 0 am.i read awhile my blog and slept at 2:10 am.i dreamed a lot and remembered some but now after busy with let emule to download and finding some firefox addons i forgot them.i got up at 11:18 am and went to have lunch.after lunch, i rested on the bed for some time then haunted outside.there r quite some boys playing basket ball in the yard.i sat on the swing for awhile, then walked around the open space in front of qrrs.on the way returning to the dorm i visited the free cafe of qrrs and trying to download some firefox addons to prepare a clean reinstallation,but just after 3 or 5 minutes the internet connection was cut off,i reset the pc and being force offline again after several minutes.the cafe administrators persuading me leaving for several rounds,including bodily poking.i then left and found dinner ready and i ate it.then i rested on bed listening music.after receiving my baby’s mother’s phone call i decided to surf overnight to download and prepare a fresh rebuild of portable pack.my baby hummed in the phone and let me glad.i also in peace reviewing my years and times with his mother.and i can envision we can have a better way to live with ourselves.after 7 pm i listen news from radio of beijing,in which the premier talked about the power of people.i sensed the bless from my ancestor and more peaceful to accept my baby’s mother as part of mine and live with trust each other in the long run.i also felt surer that i will trust u from the start and all the time in our life together.after 8:30 pm i launched to the new cafe.all lcd occupied.i waited till overnight service launched.then there was a young man left,and i pick the seat in a rush.the pc was immediately controlled by dog,hanged after i tried online security scanning.after reboot i tried a domestic av soft to scan the pc.my emule downloading also started.there r some complains about the lagging of speed, letting me sorry for my downloading costly for internet traffic,but i m surer that dog more responsible for the slow internet speed.they monitored all my activities online and the passports of all my cyber existence, in god’s view, what they desperately hampering my getting a clean portable pack and a clean os at home was likely just waste my time and upset me,and harnessed hacking tool to let their monitor more automatic.after all what’s the worth of all these worthless wrest?only god know when and why i had to enjoy my working scheme with my own pleasure.love u,in every silent moment.i felt even readier for ur descending in front of me.love u with beer,which tasteless without u at lunch.kiss u with peer.
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{February 7, 2007}   benzillar blogroll 02/07/2007

sunny son before lunar new year in new clothings.  Annotated(2)

    sunny son before lunar new year in new clothings.

      sunny day   Annotated(2)

      • the morning in the cafe was just make use of a pc, not the internet.p2p download was heavily tempered.a man in my age likely a cop nearby biting heavily.i merely prepared thunderbird for my baby’s mother,and that cost me 4 rmb.when i left its near 11 am.i went to see my baby at once.my baby was in the waiting room when i arrived.the aunt today very domineer and ordered my baby to eat a lot.my baby’s mother had lecture in the morning.when she returned she looked glad.my baby rushed to pick her her slippers.my baby ate less for lunch.at lunch i told what i valued email client and suggested her keeping good behavior to make good use of email client.she likely half accepted.i also told him how cop in the morning stole my domain of email with yahoo and gmail and 163.com of a speedy domestic hostsite.she agreed to let me operate on her notebook to move thunderbird portable onto it.but the backup made in the cafe likely infected and i spent a lot additional time trying to avoid it.in fact the whole afternoon i busy wwith rebuilding a portable working environment for myself.downloads from the cafe infected heavily and let my pc hanged quite sometimes.my baby and the kid son of the aunt and the grandma all urged me to eat dinner but i just busy with finishing it before dinner.when i ate my dinner they finished and my baby’s mother got angry and refused to offer me meal.after dinner i soon finished backup of download and shut down pc.the aunt family gathered in the room they occupied now.i waited for my baby playing with the kid son.later we moved to our bedroom and my baby first played with his mother hide-and-see in curtain and laugh a lot.later i laid him on the pile of quilt and let him sliding to ground.the risk let him laugh quite a lot and let his mother uncomfortable.she told me she will file divorce tomorrow with me and let me waited on the ground of the home building in the afternoon.she even inquired how i care my baby if she left my baby with me.i admitted her request.after my baby slept i also dozed on the edge of the bed.i kiss her forehead and left.she also shown her care for me.its a painful moment,but i m afraid more severe pains to arrive to tear our hearts apart. i rested on the bed in the dorm for awhile then i arrived here.
        today quite some graduate employees of qrrs leaving for their holiday.in the morning and in the night people leaving.but i saw the wife of the hunan couples with their child son.i don’t know what a pain ahead but i know god’s training just sweat and meaningful.
         – post by benzillar
      sunny day



        et cetera