benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉











{December 1, 2020}   a day in glory.

yesterday is a huge grace.the night before yesterday I bought a bag of pop corn then shifted rest to neighbor young laid to eat, and promised will bring over some fruits next day. so yesterday before dusk jog I check ATM to assure my card has enough remnant. what a surprised after found my salary account even larger surplus than when this month released, which likely below 2200. then I decided celebration for the grace. I bought a larger cluster bananas from nearby supermarket. then I visited 1st restaurant, California noodle, where I previously told the young boss not loose management in exchange of obvious cheap gatherings of jobless women or homeless, for clients dislike losers. the boss glad to received my 3 bananas. then I visited 2nd restaurant where the tall wife of the boss attacked me a lot. I offer the couple 3 bananas, one for their daughter. there was a table of clients there, mainly elders of QRRS, esp a retired manger of QRRS at a loss. they stunned by my kindness & generosity, stood to ask for my acquaintance. I tried twice but unable to recognized who they belong, so I complimented that anyone in QRRS knows the tall man, and I was a crew of deputy ccp leader Zhou. they appreciated. then I visited 3rd restaurant, a newly open one, where I ate lunch the day and missed my phone & purse first time when I left but the boss woman delivered them back to me. they r likely suburban peasants, the woman has admirable chest but less long legs, as peasant woman usually has. she is charming. I offered her a banana & promised next week I will come back. then i visited 4th restaurant, where 2 young waiters open the door for me, I treated them each banana for thanks of service. back to dorm, I exchanged one with the porter woman. after settled in dorm room, I visited neighbor kid with 3 bananas. he is a short laid & canning. he cautious upon my gift, I said, now that u thought u have a different larger future, why afraid of this small pieces? he accepted gladly. in my working space,ie. radio music, I suddenly want to see the first restaurant where the waitress cordial, so I visited it again lately around 7pm. I drank a cup of coffee, ate a dish of pickle. the young boss dislike me for he was enjoying his elder female waitress’ companion. on way, I bought a case of icecream for the kids, and a beer. I visited the dorm canteen, to whom I just paid back 1000 cny for their loan near 2000 in last decade. they eating their dinner, and invited me. It was all right when I left. the night I felt so much bliss in the sharing food. in dawn dream, I bought my family visited my hometown. My passed mom preparing our dinner and asked me to fetch some water from village well. I carry my son on shoulder & out. on the road several elder rested aside. I asked to buy some melon for my son, they replied u can take as long as u can bite. but I gladly found I always carry tools with me, as my worker father exampled me, so I free eating the sweet melon with my son with our swiss army knife kit. Dear God dad, It’s again a sunny morning. I will attending the tall woman’s restaurant soon after this blog. dear God, I never expected my life so rich & gracious. I pray full heart for descending greater grace in my rest life which not too long. dear God, in this shabby world, I still in faith u can fix my painful fingers like a fiddle. Thanks, dear dad.



{November 20, 2020}   dream amid surreal & reality.

dreamed first my 2 families, one replaced me with another man without my opposition. then i saw aside the downgrade of living standards. then dreamed i with my current QRRS colleagues waiting in a
departmental gathering. the meeting ruined for the host disrespected us. then rumors spread that our leader all year received the host’s free dining coupon in exchange for independence of news cover, as we are a media organization. this very common nowadays in China: paid reports in fact manipulated propaganda, rendering large scale news industry rootless & die speechlessly. like CCP while it was
ambitiously promoting national credit system, recording common people’s small amount money debt. u can say individual steals social institutions, or whatever, the core the same: CCP systematically removing its counterparts, let the society paralyzed. its only interest is robbing corporate China for its army. now It’s a sunny morning. dear God dad, this morning really cozy in quilt, except drive to blog. I didn’t miss task, Holy, now let me enjoy my meal & routine.



{November 17, 2020}   snow in 2020, 1st one.

recent 2 days a bit chiller, still it’s a surprise this dawn. i fought pains to put on myself, for my work, for my main meal 2 hours later. in dawn lingering dream, my 2nd elder brother gathered some of his pals as well as relatives to treat his son’s loath of woman. we ate inner organs of animals, and I felt the tissue is delicious. then dream CCP tried all means to let its credit system hurt me, for I spend against their limitation attempts put on me, turning any normal debt into credit war. they nowadays punishing alipay for it granted my virtual credit by delayed its IPO. in past week, I wrote a lot in my alumnus weixun group, expressed my admire for a girl alumnus now in USA. a bad guy of my alumnus attempted to profane me, I defended hardly, with glory of my ancestor. in the days, I saw clearer that my emotional life was as pale as a piece of paper, I desperate for love. but not all disappointing: last night i dialed my beloved alumnus, Wangyf, who refused my messages for decade in my siege of love dance of words, she picked up even my phone number possible clearly show my area location. she seemingly wightened by doubts, and hanged after my twice insisted declared first my name. dear God DAD, I’m so proud of her. she is a tall girl in our campus. another girl now in USA, May lee, also refused talk to me after exchanged 3 or more sentences. I mean to have them, for we don’t have affair but deep cares, for better life and soul partnership.
It’s a new week now, dear God dad, improve my painful hands now, let my life easier & enjoyable. let my meal budget spacious. dear God, my life has been so gracious. thanks Holy Spirit.



{November 1, 2020}   dreamed of my passed parents.

this morning failing PRC surveillance abrupt disabled my secure connection & forced me to change password. in the dawn, i dreamed my passed dad helps me design office, likely my once QRRS colleagues’. then dreamed my passed mom trusted me to clean my kid brother’s hairs from bugs. yesterday I felt loneliness after settled in dorm. i got showered in public spa where i satisfied by the mopping worker and i bought him a bottle of juice. on way back i bought some oranges & shared with a restaurant, dorm guard woman, a young man in the dorm. recently I like to share my food with others, for that makes me happier. as Royal China, my most important thing is dealing respects, respect holy, respect common people. and that’s why CCP & it’s dog so hated my kindness. dearest God dad, my most relied hand, these 2 days more or less senseless. help improve my hands, dear God, let my life easier.



{October 30, 2020}   painful love

this morning I first time loathed to get up & back to quilt twice. i dreamed my quilt like a checker, when chill, its board is cotton or wood, when hot its marble or something. recently I naturally drove to display more of my merits to women around and sometimes I guess it hurts, for they mostly too old to have a new life. I also felt painful when saw failing mangers among restaurant or supermarket i haunted. incompetent persons, esp on key position usually decides the future of the business while I saw too much PRC traditional culture disabling the good development of a business. I also tried to cheer up dorm administrative team by offering 2 woman tin canned coffee, which a bit leading consuming in nowadays China. the accountant woman, still capable of birth, likely amazed by my living standard & her body language told me she want more of it. my son’s mom also kindly told me my son now has night class lately until 9:50 pm, and she drove to fetch him. for her tiny figure, her endevor is quite gracious & I was touched. next Saturday my son will visit my dorm after the stormy emotional dispute my son with me upon his carelessly handling intelligent gears I equipped him. dear God, It’s a hipshot post, for my web site again ruined by PRC surveillance hired zombie hacker & i just restored it. dear dad God, let the kindle burning till dark dictation in China extinguaged & google re-enter China and my Empire of China of 1109 years life shines in holy sunshine.



this week most exciting thing is improved salary, even a mean restaurant female acquaintance guessed it’s due to heat subsidiary included. with it, I well reinforced my workspace with renewals, credit refills, etc. boosted by the saint aid, I video chatted with my hometown junior middle school classmates to express my gratitude, appreciation of their life so far. one of them, once always shown best of him with jokes now millionaire, with 3 growingup children. i also paid back quite some debter of mine. i treated myself & my son nice dinners. recently i turned more open & talkative among my frequent restaurants, speaked out my situation, esp my extraordinary aging body, my concern of state surveillance upon me years. I pray God it’s affordable to befriend them there. the new Japanese heating blanket soon let my leg stronger, ease my pains & resume my body’s flexibility in a sensible way. passed week also saw failing PRC surveillance hardly afford their failure to sink my web site, yesterday they using their old dirty skill to let my site down, even my web app is newest version. I restored it all the morning. God’s mercy, I afford it. dear God, in several days, I will have a itch killer, 2 larger udisks for portable storage, at hand, God dad, how i felt satisfying! in this golden morning, I will soon launch & shower. I see your promised, dad God, i saw your promise filled, esp my anxiety upon my workable road toward my destiny so far. dear God dad, let’s move on.



{October 16, 2020}   dream of my passed parents.

yesterday I managed to equip myself another heating blanket after found first one failed to save my wet bedcloth. dorm canteen & my 2nd elder sister helps. in the night I a bit hard to sleep for the great new gear of Japanese brand but finally slept & felt considerably warm & dry in dawn. in dawn dream, I was passing QRRS, the SWE i employed me for more than 2 decades, & passing crowd to my dorm, but it turns out my hometown home, my parents’ house, where my dad received me & told me my mom just passed by. in fact, my dad passed before my mom. when I tried to preceive what a emotion upon my lose of my mom, I abrupt informed my mom & dad’s memory pack categoried under ding & dang title, say /system/ding, or etc. the dream chased me to blog, so my rest of sleep ruined even I loathed to get up. dear God, last night my son & i enjoyed peace. he seemingly glad I ordered him Mcdonald deliver which was a bit late for I not sure if It blessful during my hard financial time. dear God dad, in this sunny morning, I left no regret upon my life. my site under attack again, likely PRC
surveillance blacklist my server ip & let it inaccessible. dear God, lessen my anxious upon it, let my new family more sensible.



{October 13, 2020}   heat the system.

it’s the first nigh in this coming winter that heat serving. I dreamed new era where all gear & content you consuming can rent & pick up again from breakup. I saw my son enter his university & I equip his new pad with his pals. the running database must very large, for any second u laid aside your music or video, when u served by the era, u can seamlessly enjoy your stream. the dream so lavish that I loathed to get up nor describe it. PRC surveillance hired zombie hacker again break my site, even I felt well armed with what I equipped. last night I hesitated if buzz my son, in final rush, I called & briefly express nightly bliss & exit. dear God, lessen my chore on my sites, let them stronger & automony. I saw it’s a sunny morning but now it’s pal. I will carry this merry mode for the day. thx, holy.



{October 12, 2020}   steady posting.

the chilly dorm let my fingers swollen again, but God’s mercy, my body just workable for daily life, even more time & pains covering chores, like put up, mopping floor, etc. recently I equipped myself 2 small laptop blankets, which effective warms up my knees. previously I bought a full size blanket for laptop, but holy message let me bought it which proving very helpful on bed against dorm chill. last night holy spirit lets me ordered my son a Mcdonald deliver & my son enjoys it even a bot late. this morning in warm quilts, I dreamed likely in a candidate campaign team. I using a tool likely offline downloader to multi-accounts management, simulating actual polling or voting. I dreamed other matters but forgot now them. dorm water supply down this moment, but God, I just got my warm keeping plastic bag filled, and tea prepared. when i got up it’s pal and smoggy, but now morning sunshine so golden. dear God, my websites recently under lots attacks but now it turns stronger and I will see the final laugh. I proud of them, so simply while viable. Holy just prepared me readier for it, like database backup. PRC surveillance hired zombie hackers just wasted their money & cheap youth. dear God, in this first clear memorized dream since my re-blogging, I will end it with prayer for my emerging 1109 years Empire of China as persistent leading successful Empires of Great British and Japan. God dad, home me after half life roaming in my forbidden city.



{September 29, 2020}   every silence counts.

today a bit special: in half decade i first ate an elegant dinner for celebrating sudden nap in late afternoon. that’s likely due to recent thick tasks to restore my son and my workspace, esp brunch framework based chromeOS on our nuc. this afternoon i even tried to re-enable my todo list management via google tasks and my web app at
https://agarten.in. after enjoyed it so much in last 9 years then broke by PRC surveillance, now i know my work experience matters much than any others. i really like my workspace. holy spirit sees why i can live them alive again. my son’s workspace recently wrecked by his harshness & inexperienced, I didn’t expect to help him restored it, for God just let me visit him on my not real birthday, Sep 27, then i found him joined his school, however, the grandma open the door for me, and i worked there till dusk, reinstall windows, linux, android x86, etc. when my son returned from school, on dinner table, I babbled my job & he satisfied by my demonstration of new OSes. but still i less buzzed him recently, say, last night i muted all time, even i want to chat him. i saw his inconvenience not to lie to me if i insist to understand him closely. dear God, he needs free space to develop his vision, not responsible for me or anyone in the world. dear God, this dinner let me so full and complacent that I peacefully watched a movie online without call anyone amid chilly dorm room. dear God, if aging really your arrangement, why not I accept it? I felt the joy in peace of doze. grant me more freedom of body resilience, in long run, I have faith greater grace upon me, dad, I ‘m bidding you, let my life more activities, esp my infant. thx, dad God, bring me sooner my partner of life. in this deep night, my singer for harmony is truely.



et cetera