hello lunar 2015

25/2/2015

call it a spring festival.:: this blog is for passed lunar spring festival. so many hopes fulfilled, while still so many uncertainty drives me restless. we thankful for God’s mercy, and looking breaking through barriers more gracefully. I seemingly more and more see my future new family, my children to descend.this dawn I dreamed with my old family, my sister and brothers. I dreamt masturbated 4 times and anxious how to get rid of evidence. I dreamt of my cousins, ie sons of my only aunt. later dreamt my dad’s eldest brother brought his grandson visited us. I help the infant find his billiard back but he almost risking putting in his mouth.today is 1st work day after Chinese greatest traditional holiday, but the dorm canteen still out of service for inadequate customers. Chinese used spring festival to verify their family ties, threaten outer world out of service while their inner family enjoy harvest of rich food and banquet. this silly consciousness totally blind and even more dangerous in nowadays unified world under God’s shine, seamless integrated civil society. I dislike the spring festival, more clearer since last Christmas day when my family business strides with triumph. now I missing a normal breakfast but unable to have. yesterday kid brother finally remit me 2nd part loan, ￥1500, which greatly relief my anxious upon debt caused by new domain zho.io, and recent shopping Walmart with son for glorious bliss. God, dad, thx for so many dangers extinguished on the way toward Royal China. bring me sooner my girls into our new family and budding lives. grant us monuments and momentums of growth and steadiness, save unease in our hearts, ie. my son’s and mine. thx for the morning light, dad.

20/2/2015

dreamt of visiting American President.::this lunar new year bring me a new gift, zhone’s 18th domain, zho.io. I looking after .io for some time, but reckoned it too expensive, about $60 annually to buy. but good news of my kid brother’s loan boosted my confidence. within 2 days I settled it under family sites. yesterday I spent half day expanded the nammespace to facebook, google, vimeo,linkedin, etc. its first domain I didn’t originally concoct, but hinted by online media. zho stands for zhong language, Chinese, or China as central country, while .io means imput and output. I literally looking forward it gathers conversations between Chinese and world languages forums, esp. English which so rich, powerful and meaningful, fruitful. this dawn I dreamt US President, Obama, visiting China. I was assigned handling a site for his visit. I arranged them, the president and his chief staff officer escorting, enjoyed among crowd a scenery pond. they had good time aside water but mud hopelessly stained their shoes. after they changed shoes, I managed the president autograph 8 or 10 books for holding before they left. then dreamt in a class in English exam. I can’t bare lousy cheating murmurs and shift my seat to front row. my senior middle school alumnus, Wang Zaohui, and my once girl friend in Nanikai Univ, Liu Shuyun, among those mocking me during the test before monitoring teacher appears. their jeers led me irresolute. Its a pale morning of second day in lunar new year. I hope tomorrow I can fetch my son do monthly noble life experience, ie, cinema, Walmart, dine out, visiting my dorm. uncertainty is if those services resume then in the boring long traditional Chinese holiday. God, I need more 2-3000 RMB to stay debt free upon beginning lunar 2015. grant me embracing time ahead fearlessly. bring me sooner my Royal China to cultivate in time for agriculture. show my Crowned Queen, Asoh Yukiko, from Japan, road to me and our family preset. thx, dad God.

2/14/2015

dreamed of being intern of google. ::and finally I have my 3rd credit card, an ICBC multi-currency credit card. its swift for the issuer to deliver to me. when I bitingly waiting for it, I sometimes felt the tiny card shinier than my life so far wanting. even several day in my purse, I keep checking it a few hours to assure its in my blood, my financial life. soon after gained it, I equipped my son, woz’s google play with it as payment method. it also powers woz’s paypal, our localphone subscription auto-renewal. God, isn’t it in good circumstance? hope I will never spoil trust in credit from the bank. in this dawn I dreamt worked in google, lengthily about its free meals. I also got insight upon its corporate operation and enterprise culture phenomena. so many promising quality I entrust it, google! smart automation, moral right, real intimate user experience, pivoting ambition & envision, etc. God, save google from mediocre by metabolism, like Brin who screwed up google glasses and far from cool personal lifestyle. upon my credit card deficit, ￥8000, my kid brother and sinful 2nd elder sister promised loaning me, but the sluggish brother broke his word several times. that quite frustrating, or what he intended to defy me? now I had to maintain the debt like a burden. God, dad, why my brother so acid in his claimed helping? what hurts him and let him dart like snake reward? isn’t the losing strategy harnessed by China surveillance to crash my hopeful? to testify my gracious road under shrine? God, dad, in this soon to be shiny morning I pray, as so many answered falselessly, grant us debt barrier breaking, like yesterday’s bonus ￥1300 from QRRS, my once and long time employer. grant me work space and sustainable energy to polish royal way toward my new 1109 years Empire of China in title Zhu. dad, God, empower us to see through Chinese spring festival and bond in Christian holiday. bring world peace and unity love and caring society. thx, dad.

10/2/2015

gay in dorm stalks me. ::last week an ugly fat sissy beast with abnormally short legs open challenged me with his gay. he tentatively met me in washing room and toilet many occasions. this Monday even I got up irregularly, and went to downstairs to teeth-brushing to avoid the nasty gay whose dorm facing the washing room, he still caught me in floor 2nd washing room. he must have access to webcams supervising dorm corridors, or somebody cooperated him. at first I thought the guy must be emotional disabled, or an idiot intelligently, but this Sunday when I just returned to dorm after reunited my son, the gay just walked in front of me in dorm corridor, glaring and swaggering, I at once informed that the gay was thought-through and well prepared to humiliate me. he is sinful and viciously. even likely others evil conspired with him, he must clear on all the possible consequence. otherwise it can’t be so shameless explicit/pompous. last weekends I let my son know the gay affair. we retried the video game, Gatling gears. the game once challenged us so much, but this time with improved gamepad skill we finished all levels in half day. my son’s pad finally got all new games from google play, such a relief after brutal extravagant PRC all blocking! the night I slept deep, till 8:20am I woke up and missed breakfast. Monday I read some articles online, mostly rest in roaming in dorm. near dinner time I impulsed to charge woz’s google play another $100 via taobao where a vendor offer ￥20 discount, priced ￥600. in the night I dreamt with my son, woz, in a hotel he seemingly familiar. he felt hungry and sought food from the rooms in the hotel. I accompanied him walk through rooms, including staff cabinet, where later a man slept there woke up. I more or less blamed my son using the hotel without permission in advance, and I more and more anxious about outdoor threats through the door under blue mid night light, like video game scenes of zombie apocalypse. later dreamt a family migrated from southeastern China, like many business people from there whose economy earlier developed than other parts of China. the husband, wife, and only daughter lived in jammed residential area. there house just behind a cesspit and very foul. I likely acquainted with the man but can’t help much to remove their discomfort. on way to breakfast, which is satisfying for an empty stomach, 2 magpies loudly croaked on trees in dorm garden. I then made a wish that my ICBC credit card arrives sooner. God, dad, lunar Spring Festival due next Wednesday, grant us a peaceful while meaningful holiday. rid me off dirty and psychopaths. consolidate us with hopes saint and faith in U. thx, dad God.

a blessing heavy snow during lunar spring festival. here scene within QRRS Dorms, where benzrad praying for his new family, Royal China, to ascending to platform.

a blessing heavy snow during lunar spring festival. here scene within QRRS Dorms, where benzrad praying for his new family, Royal China, to ascending to platform.

a blessing heavy snow during lunar spring festival. here scene in Qiqihar railway station square where benzrad routed to visit his son, woz, Hope of China, in his mom’s custody before his youth.

basically a toy.

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2/2/2015

dreamt of deal among Chinese minorities.:: yesterday was brilliant all daytime. I recovered from sudden ailment and visited my son, woz, Hope of China, God of Universe, on time and completed what I usually schedule to find fun, a shooting video game, Enemy Front, ie a checkpoint saved. China surveillance desperately blocked my son’s android pad to update game content from google play market, but 2 ways I envisioned to bypass GFW filter working, in minutes I saw homepage of google play market, even downloading launched. but targeted intervention so resolvedly that no stable connection lasted minutes. I finally gave up, as God allows. I had lots of happy time in the Sunday among activities with my son, including gaming, showering, lunching, walking outside, eating fruits weekly subscribed, and pine nuts recent bought online. I apparently easier to lose interests and fall into doze, sign of aging. returned to QRRS Dorm, I enjoy neat workspace after cleansed 2 os. this dawn I dreamt making deal with 4 or 5 minorities in China, say, Yi, Miao, Uygur,Bai nationality. I bought land from those rampant, selling it to those too jammed by space, offer plenty foods to starving and balances them all in love. I saw history in dissent allies in Christian unity, in God’s shine. its a lengthy dream, with real different people and my trusted ones. God, where and when PRC sinking to? the day by day harsher online surveillance and self-destruction by root out its rich medium and benevolence of western education since fall of bureaucracy with Ming Dynasty led to where to die? is war them, the tyrant last resort and fool’s errand? dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China, cover my family with due nutrition of freedom of idea. bring world democracy sooner into death locked PRC, the fatherless bastard of Russian Red Oct. Dad, God, pl allow us google service, and all those innovative cyberspace like facebook, twitter, etc.

30/1/2015

dreamt of printing. :: yesterday I decided washout 2 os against accumulated online threats. it done perfect excepted my chrome os hardly stably connected google servers to update my synced profile. might the task too draining, after dinner I felt dizzy, vomiting. I tried to drink some beer to fix the feeling, and watched my favorite Japanese TV series in the night. but still I felt cold and sick. waited bed time, I had no problem to sleep. dreamt with my Nankai alumnus, Chenxj. I printed many copies of my works or plan for my darling, or my son, each only containing a section of the full plan or blog. the sleep deep and curing. after got up I shit diarrheal. managed ate some porridge, my chromebook finally login my account, even problematically. its a brilliant bright morning. God, dad, when the sinking PRC stop hating smart people and ideas? when freedom of society and respect of individuals maintained as norm? dad, God, I now equipped with vpn and surfing no bordering, but I was left likes on a sinking tip island. God, save sinful PRC from its tyrant party, bring sooner world democracy into the old scarred land.

23/1/2015

our first google play purchase. :: in dawn dreamt I was assigned to patrol along the signified place, like the great wall or Tian’anmen Square, with someone dear, say my son. there r crowd gathering on site, including my once department director who broke my normal civil career perspective in QRRS cable TV branch. my haunting concern is to automate the patrol and relief me from the route. in last dusk my youngest elder sister called to ensure I am in sound state. her husband talked to me in the mid and turned out hostile to my lucky life. he urged me to fish from national medicare system to save money for improve my life shortly while I let him shut up his foolish and selfish propagation. new credit card issuer, ICBC, also contacted my previous department director for credit auditory. I hope it smooth and gain the card sooner. but that didn’t stop us from enjoy new freedom new vpn brings out. when my son asked for pay in his pad games from google play market, even I had explained him we’d better wait till new ICBC credit card to power our pay method, I tried the 3rd way to pay, gift card, as quick response. there r lots of vendors on taobao.com, Chinese largest e-commercial site emerging in 15 years from nothing, I easily bought $20 at price of ￥109 to charge my son’s google account. I intended to surprise my son, so I persistently persuade him to use it to buy. his evil mom took him away twice in the good day, noon for table tennis, dusk to swim, from our online collaboration. the main problem is paying require password verifying, while my son didn’t keep a copy of it. I never want to risk stolen and sent him password in cyberspace, given China surveillance so harsh. so lots of time cost teaching my son decrypt password I sent him in im. China espionage broke his Internet many time, let lagging loading page. so many failures frustrated me and I started to scorn and curse my son who seems so naive against blocking. my son finally gave up. that’s near 9pm when usually he go to bed. after cleaning myself, I booted up and buzzed my son, yelling him to buy online before sleeping. and he didn’t hurt much from my scorns. after I tried buy a bible educational game in his account, he on other side of the Internet did his own purchase independently, his first google payment. all to call the day a nice day. just after affirmed the success, my Internet within the dorm LAN was forced offline. there must be someone losing in the mid or on the wall. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls to new barn where lovely memories echoes. grant us a new credit card and smooth google service at hand, like all other merits shares American people. do please let us learn and grow, in ur shines, peaces and plenty.

17/1/2015

heated waiting for new credit card.:: powered by powerful vpn,ssledge, I now enjoy most web like in democracy world. God answers my pray by allowing me glimpse freedom alike in dreamland, United State. to finish equipping my son his online payment,esp google play store access, I decided applying ICBC for a credit card. the bank previously sms me I entitled to apply its credit card basing my sound financial credit, but I didn’t reply for I reckoned 2 credit cards enough for me. visiting the bank where most clients on site are elders, the sms reportedly no record on server and I had to apply it normally, requires salary spreadsheet, workplace id card, etc. returned to dorm I felt chill in the bank business and later heat and cold interwoven made my nose stuffed. this dawn I anxious in dream about my breath while nose stuffed. then worried my lunch cook’s dry throat, which led him constantly cough, infects me. then dream met with a once colleague, Zhanhe, in Chinese means war river, of QRRS, my once and long time employer, talking about security fault in enterprise computer network, for the guy works in its networks department. we swam a dam and arrived the HQ aside the stream, saw many of his busy workmates. then my passed mother appeared in my dream, as well as my eldest brother now in hometown village. they likely help me building a 3 phrases security installment for my son’s play. my son in dream accompanied me and waited his toy I prepared him. last night my sinful 2nd elder sister buzzed in, told me my kid brother intended to loan me ￥5000 in lunar year end and she will join 1000. God, dad, grant me 3rd credit card and usage of appstore at my son’s disposal. empower me break debt barrier in new year 2015. dad, my life improved so much here everyone witnesses. envision me new landscape for even better. thx dad.​

a lovely morning sunshine over crane on building site near benzrad’s QRRS Dorms. life of the prayer for his 1109 years of China Empire improves a lot in 2014, but still lots of uncertainty ahead.

an early moon in mid sky near Qiqihar railway station where benzrad passing by to return his QRRS dorm from weekend reuniting his son, woz, Hope of China.