benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉











{April 30, 2008}   a storm rain just after noon

these days busy with lots of miscellaneous task, ranging from logo design and blog creation and customization. things lined up when i casually picked one and had to proceed to its end. the weather mostly cool these days, rendering my baby and his mother longer lingering in their cold. baby in the mid suffered heat and measles’ alike ( lot of little projections appeared on his cheeks and sometimes vomiting) symptoms, let my sometimes curious and sometimes sorry or mercy. after all, the strange symptoms fading now, we glad to see more energy and liveness in our most beloved, and more cases we can treat life and things lighter as usual. his mother blamed my bringing him playing games a lot when he was ill. even i know her accusation was meaningless but i suffer no words to retort.
there is also some personnel changes in my office. the bitch woman, once sued me broke her pc and forced me to give up and let her using the pc solely, left and was promoted as a secretary of manager of a affiliate works newly built near Dalian, Liaoning Prov., the most southern end of northeast part of China, she tried to cover her gladness under complains and belittling and claim she will return if not fit. then the bully monitor changed the office layout totally, assigning the pc of the bitch to his old colleague, a blue collar previously. all dog’s.
the sky turning dark now and more rain ahead likely. i will close this article in hope of grand summer’s coming soon. International labor’s holiday just in, and people busy with laying out tourism. i can’t afford any movement now and had to be contented with the web, as usual. i look forward changes in the future, that’s also as usual.

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{April 27, 2008}   peaceful afternoon sun light

these days busy with logo design, for my site benzyrnill(at http://sites.google.com/…llogo2.png ) , and baby son warren’s sites,ie. warwinzh( at http://warwinzh.googlegroups.com/…inzht2.gif ), warranzh (at http://warranzh.googlegroups.com/…rranzh.gif ), warrantzh (at http://warrantzh.googlegroups.com/…rantzh.gif ), wardzh (at http://wardzh.googlegroups.com/…wardzh.gif ), and forgot the time’s lapsing. when uploading logos to sites, China surveillance heavily blocked me and sometimes likely just responded my web request in real time, for some proxy just worked awhile then inaccessible. this afternoon i adding pages to my google groups’ welcome page and frequently being broken and locked by China watch dog’s hacking.however, i almost got what i want and now enjoyed the leisure to utter my story.
my baby these days still in cold and sometime complained painful stomach. in the morning he sticked some picture to his forehead, and in the afternoon some acnes appears on his cheeks. now his mother brought him outside. last night he said my design was ok when i asked his opinion. he and his mother can reasonable stepping into recovery these days, in which they suffered so much and cost so many medicines. the grandma’s house now underwent renovation and i didn’t lend a single hand.
these days sunshine resumed but the weather was cold. i had to put on my suite at home. the road to summer was so long and i almost broke my neck.
its a nice afternoon, after i got enough surfing on web at home. i love at home and surfing. after all blocking and delaying, i almost got things done. i love the peace of striving.

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pc downloading all the afternoon when i absent, but reboot irregularly when i browsing. these days busy
with updating my sites on google apps and finished it till this afternoon. i adding all my web activities links to my sites on google apps. last night i busy on pc after 10 pm and let ema angry with me. she and baby recently got a cold and lasted for several days coughing. the grandma underwent renovation on her old house, replacing its old style carpet with floor blocks, for more convenient to maintain when the uncle board and lounged now here entered the senior middle school near the house. these days they busy with moving articles in the house to other place including our house to temporarily stock them so as to spare for renovation operation.
goolge pages last night accessible here, likely due to the coming Olympic game press the China authority to pose a more liberal impression. the turbulence of Chinese boycotting the France supermarket in China left me nothing impression, except disgusting. in nowadays China quite some youth can’t find a rightful mean to support themselves and had to act aggravative to coincide with the authority to win some favorable treatment or opportunity to stand out. nothing special from them with dog. China now is a dog country, dog dominating all important resource and even biting for the greater.
after several sultry days now a cold weather descended, with snow in rain this afternoon. God sees the forth and backward of the conflicting force of hot and cold. but in the all over climate summer destined coming soon.

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{April 20, 2008}   bright afternoon on weekend

its a bright afternoon. baby recently got a cold and pumph and a doctor even warn irregularsound in his heart. yesterday i was melt in sorrow and merciness. but today he still sonaughty and sound. he recently frequently demands cares with cries, which quite annoying,including his mother upset with his cries. i enjoyed the cyberspace presence very much. but after got wired the office pc, i sometimes on the contrast lose right mood to busy with theinternet, instead, felt boring into doze and tears, resulting frequent doze in the moring.however, when i was full of energy, i enjoyed the web as usual and always be agile onposting and comment on web.
this afternoon was too bright to miss. ema busy with tutoring and earning all day while idozed all the morning and sat in front of pc all afternoon. so ema suggested bringing baby outside before dusk. i didn’t went outside with baby since i was sent to my hometown for ailment in the same month of last year. we visited the place around our home, the southern sports yard and south park. the scenery was the same except some folks refused to nod me formy illness. its almost half and a year after my brought my baby haunting the places in jungle of losing thoughts in the turbulent moment before i felt into asylum at my hometownin Hubei Prov. central China.
i love the game of being mad, and being recovered. i see God’s call in it. i love my babyand my peaceful life so far. no matter what a thunder ahead, i see and under God’s shine.

baby son on ride of his 3 years on earth




i still dozed a lot in office in the morning. last night ema told me she brought baby visited doctor, and was told likely baby’s heart has some problem. my direct response was it can’t be and i blamed her too fussy about baby’s health. she retorted its none of my business. then i launched to operate on pc and my broking heart love for my baby, esp. in the view of cherished his countable time on earth let me sorry. i visited him who playing with his mother and felt we couples love him the same. then i doubting if we should not treating baby liking he was short of something comparing with other kids in the world. and i felt enough of ema’s over-protect baby, just to show her tendering. i love baby strong and independent, cute and robust. i don’t like to see his demanding other’s companion, esp. his mother. but ema glad to drive him to ask for her cares. cares to his every cough with fussy padding, and every changes of body temperature with all kinds of medicines. too much fussy just to show her fragile cares. i would like to see baby silent and independent, enduring and sound.
this noon i returned home and found the grandma didn’t cook as usual. i waited awhile then buzzed ema. she was with baby in another hospital, likely brought baby into medical check. i then left to office. on the way she buzzed but i can’t listen clearly what she intends to do. after lunch in a nearby restaurant of the dorm i returned to office and buzzed her again and this time she had left baby in the kindergarten and returning to her working school. later when i writing this she buzzed me again and discuss the situation we faced.
i never believed my baby has any physical problem. he was just so perfect, so shiny under God’s glow. if any problem calling him, that’s from God’s. God, let me take ur way and show me the peace of life of my family. i endured and took vow of loving the world u builds.
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{April 16, 2008}   bright day

these days lost energy to keep agile on web, after my office pc finally got internet access via open proxies among enterprise lan. i slept a lot in office, now that reading didn’t attracted me as usual. ema these days gave me long face, and often brought baby sleeping earlier than when i went to bed. last night i also felt lonely and can’t find anything interesting to engage with. then i buzzed to talk with my old mother in my hometown. then i picked a game in title of "American girl: mia goes for great", now that playing game casually is my long time dream. before that just after working time, baby son asked to play game "panzer killer", a tank fighting game, and refused to let me have dinner first. i refused and he cried a lot and ema got burst out after found can’t calm baby down. baby crawled on the floor on knees first toward me then to his mother who rest on bed for anger and reconciled with his mother. even i felt baby’s crawling was humiliating himself and ema’s anger was improper, but i can’t do more in it. ema long time threaten me to drive me leaving home and live in the dorm of my long time employer, QRRS, an old style state-owned enterprise. i fought twenty years and more to make a living but still can’t buy myself a apartment and homeless when i was near to my forties. that’s China peasants’ offspring’s fate in cities.
last night after enjoyed, really enjoyed, the game and went to bed, i in dream reviewed my actions when i was drove to near mad the year before last year in the dorm of QRRS and felt i was right under God’s care and nothing more nature than what i did in that time space. i felt God’s logic, as i several times sensed. i also retrospected my grand father’s life and his response to the life’s challenge, no matter harsh or harmony or peace. i m sure i was appealing for God’s care.
life no more straight as previously, i m more or less ready for it, but still i hope for the better way from options. i love my baby and loved to live with him, but if someone want to deprive the privilege from me, just took away. i in no way be outside of God’s calling, and God’s taking care of my baby son as what i would rather do. i in fear of nothing.
yes, God, lead me on ur way home.
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{April 14, 2008}   diluted sunshine

these days busy with accustom with new online all day’s life. the China surveillance tighten its rein and quite some websites, like blogspot, googlepages, utterz, now inaccessible. the days turned windy and pale in the sky. i almost all time in the weekend lingered in house. ema bring our baby son with her mother visited her cousin’s wedding ceremony, with a tour of several hours’ train route. i busy with downloading games from peer networks. the ftp server of 0day stuff now heavily being lagged, likely rule-filtered, from previously 30-50KB per second dropped dramatically to 2 or 4 KB per second. web surfing also frequently being reset and returned blank page or err page.
in the morning of the first work day, the girl graduate, now my new colleague, told me her internet granted ip was deprived and her pc can’t serve me proxy. i was not astonished, for i know my any activities under the monitoring of the dictator’s dog, the police. the girl was naive and tried to let her bf, who worked in the human resource dep. of the enterprise, to offer proxy service for us. but all the morning we all can’t figure out why the proxy software on the young man’s pc don’t work. i searched the lan with wares and found lots of proxies available and quite some were open access. so i adopted some and enjoyed surfing, even in the afternoon quite err pages and redirecting occurred. the girl’s pc almost all the day refused of internet access.
i know any convenience i can enjoy will bring surveillance and trouble to the offerer. but the hidden rule is that the authority, the cop, don’t tell what’s happening on me, nor telling people in real kindness i connected with. they control the people who want to partake a privilege from its loot of the stolen state power and let them mute to their brutality and humility of human right and separate from each other while on the other side they r the same people.
i love my life so far, even dog shits all over. i more enduring to look forward to the change to come, on this silent and scarred land.
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God let me know the road to peace is far and enduring, with a shallow snow last night silently straight refute my judge in last post that sunshine forever since now. when i got up i noticed it at once for its so bright outside of the window. i shot at once inside of the window at the backyard of the residential building, which is a waste process yard of a arsenal works. i previously intended to visit the bureau of social medicare for registering my lost socail medicare card in the process of applying for writing off my medical expense when i was detained in the asylum in my hometown. but ema suggested that i don’t go as scheduled and i adopted and prepared cds to reinstall os for the girl graduate colleague’s computer, which infected and ran slowly. in the morning when i launched to install the guy had a like of computer as mine said with lan connected and a proxy on a pc having internet access then any pc in the lan can surf the web via the proxy. i was enlighten and launched in the afternoon to try it. the girl colleague absent lately in the afternoon so i launched to operate without her nod and finished till her return. i didn’t tell her for the monitor and the bitch woman there in office and i don’t want they know now. after all its quite unusual that i can’t access internet but they all can. the unuttered rule is that , i think, i can use the internet access to break the surveillance of China and bring the company trouble. nobody tell why i as an long time employee and an graduate from prodigious university and an able staff, being separated from the staff of QRRS, the state-owned enterprise and an outdated company whose chairman of the board still under the rule of ccp party secretary. nobody in the office afford to be friend with me, except the girl who under the coat of being coward and a little bit navvy and stupid. after working time i buzzed the girl sometimes trying to let her know my stealth her bandwidth and her pc resource but can’t buzz in.

its a nice day for me. nothing can be more emphasized than the importance the constant internet access for me and my task. i love it. i hope i can access web any time sooner than the schedule other expected.

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et cetera