benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉











23/9/2015

in world without exception. dreamt living among Chinese and foreign friends in western country. all familiar and lack of passionate due the familiarity, inc sex. then in my own house I farewell family and picked a football and left. then played soccer awhile with some kids on square with several footballs. I saw without exceptions the world will turn unenergetic and sedentary. I finally intended leaving behind my football those kids around and went for new and unknown bare hands. the dream likely an echo of recent comment my son, woz said on last Sunday when we failed rip 2 dusts from our newly replaced screen of asus fonepad for touch screen can’t maintain intact after opening the sealed case. I said perfectionism led me sad upon the careless mistake, and my son replied, he also an perfectionist. each time I was capable financially to improve my son’s living, I presented him the perfect way in time and space.last Sunday when I returned to my QRRS dorm, found his new moto nexus 6 arrived at dorm gate, I didn’t hesitate and took a taxi to dispatch the gift to him immediately without a break in my dorm. I know he deserves perfect service, and surprise to enlighten the day. whatever the world more and more turns planned, surprise is efforts to pursue and inspiring to achieve. God, I know guaranteed barrier-breaking ahead, still I feel burdensome in my credit overdrawn. I know lots of testimonies ahead to train me, to manifest the chosen, but God, I pray here no matter how hard, joy of living baptises me plenty. I didn’t anticipate war, I didn’t anticipate torment, I didn’t anticipate of destruction massively, just keep fun of living, run love in soil and root. dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China, bring google service here. bring delicacy I still enjoy. grant me more offspring, grant me new marriage. thx dad God, in this overnight rain and sunny morning.

4/10/2015

dreamt of hidden state surveillance. dreamt of process of joining KFC franchise, which I occasionally read it from a KFC notebook in son, woz’s mom’s house when I accompany him writing his homework. quite some students there ate the fast food.I contacted 3 managers of the franchise. two of them, both woman, led me to another franchise where just preparing opening. from an erotic book I got know hidden surveillance from PRC government. with borrowed scanner I saw our family documents issued by government shows “unauthorized” tag under some classification. with the hidden separation in national document we can’t buy largest KFC food bundle. but among those kid students, and in the newly opening franchise a tall woman lend us her document to buy ourselves largest KFC bundle. its a boring national day holiday in PRC now. I had to eat one meal a day in the week long holiday. Chinese holiday mostly borrowed from western Culture, esp Christian, but they didn’t arrange holiday according week, the fixed circle among other time periods, like month, year, season, etc, but gathered and shift into an exceptional lengthy absence from routine life.Chinese in PRC hate ordinary life, they always anticipate selfish survival of world catastrophe in each family closed celebration to eliminates their rivals from disorient of united world. as to me I dislike Chinese holiday very much, and doomed it to change. but to my son, woz, he likes every chance to be free of schooling. we made progresses among pad games and pc games we loved. I especially glad won some hard battles in video games blocking so far. I also purchased first time last night on steam platform, for woz’s favorite game he called it his golden time. my 2nd elder sister loaned me another ¥1000 which quite helping me fix shortage of credit after over-withdrawal. heat system switching from QRRS enterprise to municipal utility reportedly testing to run today. I already equipped my dorm with dehumidifier and works fine. God, dad, my credit already mostly turned debts unchangeable, pl grant us freedom to enjoy credit card as usual. coming months I have to pay our diamond domains, grant us financial support to maintain our cyberspace infrastructure. bring me sooner my Royal China to allow me feed my offspring, future princesses and princes, for the even greater prospective. dad, let our year end rich and meaningful.

12/10/2015

dreamt of crossing fire. its a sunny Monday morning after my first relaxing PRC national day holiday since divorce my only civil marriage. for PRC mainstream likes escaping from routine and celebrating their tiny world’s salvage through gathering weekends with holiday mostly imported from Christian to longest period to deny normal job as well as service mutual benefits.then I mostly out of meals and have to cost more to eat restaurant. 2015 PRC national holiday I usually ate a meal a day, but every meal I tried my best to treat my son, woz and myself a banquet. we also invited woz’s mom once to dine together for the grouponed banquet rich enough for 3 people or more. she more or less at a loss upon the delicacy we enjoyed. then she gradually turned hostile against my dining out with son. last Saturday dusk I visited my son in drizzle. my broken shoes wet and I asked my son’s mom to find me another shoes still stored in her house since our breakup step by step. she retorted I was not up to talk to her. the dinner with my son in a Korean cuisine restaurant in downtown turns gloomy. woz ate less, complained I picked him pork disgusting. when we returned his mom’s house, all my shoes singled out and the woman demanded I brought them with me in my dorm. during the dinner I decided to soften my tongue lest crisis the relentlessly aggressive woman seeks, so I asked her allow till my situation improved, esp current dorm too humid. she glad to hear that and in the night she consulted me twice upon national ID card, removing my role in residential book. My assertion my independent living standard let her relieved, she wanted to assure she didn’t burden extra losts in once marriage for a new marriage she and her mother must engaged for years and now almost forged. the night I watched my son fought in his favorite video game, “Teenage Mutant Turtle Ninja” I just bought him from steam platform costs near $15, unstoppable in chapters. his mom got her wanted and sad and blow lots of nose. I fetched 4 pairs of shes to my dorm in drizzle by bus. God not allows me too weak upon the demanding woman’s intimidation after. the night I dreamt flying again, much confident and higher capacity of load, and helping other young people to fly. Sunday morning I made proud progress in my game, “sniper elite:Nazi army”. my son partially on his pad aside me. when I led my son preparing shower pack as usual, his mom attempted interfering. she acclaimed son’s swim lesson hygienic enough not to visit spa. I rebuffed and we left for early lunch at dico’s, for the woman rearranged son’s piano lesson near noon, hurry to catch after shower in pubic spa. my son enjoyed chicken as usual in the Taiwanese franchise restaurant. We returned on time, woz soon let to practice piano while his mom guarded aside him. in the night I dreamt gun conflicts with traitor in justified commitment. 2 Nankai Univ alumni from my hometown neighbor county, Huangmei, who help me dissolving among younger graduates when I sought master program back to 1999 without a proper candidate privilege and had to covertly borrow a berth in graduate dorm. the 2 guys also witness my broken heart with a girl collegian lives in neighbor dorm and exerted acid influence before I finally broke down. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China when it grows. grant me new family and offspring before I worn out. coming months will renew our diamond domains, guarantee my credit card capable and we actually affordable.

Photo Description: a full year’s workout, QRRS 4th dorm completes in final stage. who will live in the nice building?
Photo Description: my QRRS dorm in 1st building, a humid, cold but neat niche benzrad never owns. poor as he is, rich as its meanings.
Photo Description: a clear sunny day from view of benzrad’s QRRS dorm view. the road is closest to QRRS front square and busy no matter workday or weekends.

13/10/2015

warm dreams. yesterday I first time put on woolen sweater in 2015 winter. the heat system likely examing, water makes sound through tubes. In the warm night I dreamt of my dearest dad, youngest sister in a camp, where dad’s colleagues in forest station also brought their kids. my dad is so real and vivid in dream, that I woke up and made note on my phone for recall. then dreamt with my once QRRS cable TV station colleagues, they emphasized discipline to group themselves together. then dreamt in my hometown or a small town, I busy with fix an old tape, likes a floppy disk, my dad gave me as answer to my questions. the tape loosed outside and I managed rewind inside. then I hurry to buy a cinema ticket. near the box office there is a hole and a badger lives in. I managed to captivate it which isn’t much hostile.Its a golden early winter morning, dad God, I just cash advanced from my PSBC credit card via a newly setup SPD bank branch near dorm to return canteen operator’s loan. the very good news for coming month’s credit pay back is each credit card’s minimum repayment around ¥1000, much lower than September’s.I will needn’t borrow to deal repayment, and last month I had to ask son’s mom to loan me 1000rmb with which she despised me. God, dad, I’m very confident upon coming years’ harvest, pl grant us steady growth and consolidated meaningful moments in life stream that’s our built. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain tinder for future galaxy. let me berth earth again for seeding, dad God.

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