benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉











{February 11, 2011}   2 dark months in webless among happy Chinese in its holiday.

26/1/2011

2 overnights online in visiting baby son.^this week God attests my sound body: i surfed 2 overnights, only slept 3 or 4 hours in the afternoon between. baby still haunted by regular boringness, &complained about his mom’s obsession with online novels or games while let him lonely&aimlessly. when online in late night&dawn, i research my sites’ SEO, haunting for games downloadable. i see clearer sky over my web presence, as my glorious ancestor grants. I also in these days felt unsettled about the feeling of my girls’, esp. my 3rd wife girl Zhou, and 4th wife my Taiwan girl’s. that more or less upset our gaming pleasure when baby joined me playing pc games. I also tried to persuade baby practising typing via a typing instructing software, but baby loathed to obey, partially want to bargain with me for more time accompany him in his mom’s house, the only place now we can make full use of computers&Internet. last night he asked twice to combat with elastic paper rods with his mom, who still busy with her reading online. baby miserably told me he now only has his mom based, that let me even acide in heart, for I this moment didn’t faciliated spare to care his living hand by hand routinely. but when i joined their combat game, performing a swordsman, baby greatly entertained&sweat after actions&screams. i kissed&woke him up in this early morning. he joined at once his favorite game, "angry birds", with setting unlocks all missions i just downloaded from web, with bearing concentration. when i prepared to leave and urged him to keep active&enjoy life, he told me he frequently felt tasteless. that let me sorry after i settled in QRRS dorm. so i buzzed his mom aiming to persuade her to attend baby more, but she rebuffed me as usual, till afternoon i got a coupon from QRRS which cheered her up a bit. when i buzzed in again after dinner, they dining out. God, u know this night i will settle in the dorm, where i more and more felt like my own workspace, protect baby any time with meaningful and interesting ideas&actions! bring the most beautiful things he deserves into his teenage, God, i entrust u! tomorrow will be day for my second wife, Crowned Queen of China from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. my dearest, my God, smooth baby’s hard single heart with ur tenderest love&hospitality, my dearest, bring our family in harmony together sooner!

24/1/2011

last snow before lunar Spring Festival 2011.^last weekend again in elation of God’s seasonal gifts: i got a bonus of ¥900 from QRRS, my once&long time employer. visited baby soon after got the information from department cashier. i told baby’s mom my assignment of financial support for the coming greatest festival on lunar calendar. baby’s mom again sighed for unsatisfied upon the bulk. the Friday night i slept on baby’s bedroom, where i more and more dislike comparing with my dorm. baby first time agreed to shower in public bathroom with me in Saturday afternoon. we basically had a nice shower, beside baby more or less shocked by men’s flesh scene for he never joined public male bathroom before. except lagging download sometimes upset me, our gaming experience on pc can be exciting in the weekends, as usual. i had to research a game alone after returned to dorm to breakthrough the dead lock, &succeeded. my Taiwan girl those days restrained herself from me, likely warned by China surveillance against me. i also in the 2 days told baby more about the important moment now i chose sliding away from his mom’s bad tempor&messy house, eager&closer to my new marriage which will brings us a solider niche for stable life experience, after so many years of drifting in dorm&impairment.

these days mostly sunny days. some casual snows never covered road. God, Asoh Yukiko keeps her promise to lighten my soul&eyes with sunshine. last night a shallow snow started to drift. this morning i saw the new gift from sky drove people cleaning, but still its not a pest but a gift. my Internet in dorm yet not ready, its a game to manifest bliss over me, man of Son that changes the world, at least Chinese. God, bring me my girls into our new houses, bring us harmony family life&fruitful&fertile. Asoh Yukiko, join me sooner, my second son, our first baby, urges to visit the world u shines. unite it via our blood bandage, including my girl Zhou, my Taiwan girl, my girl Lü, and who belongs to me pre-date. God, dad, grant me a dell game notebook, as my best cheerup for baby son in the lunar new year.

21/1/2011

burning feeling for change.^last night Holy message informs coming bonus for lunar Spring Festival. when i refered my living support, again i got baby’s mom’s scorn. this morning i reviewed my situation, and the insane of baby’s mother upon my tolerance on her keeping my financial account. long time i endured her bitchery and stupid shortsight, endured her insatiable self-posed by scorning others with her idiot’s selfishness. this morning till after noon relentlessly, yarning for financial freedom, for my due glory&independent custody over baby, floats atop the dark relation in these years when I shared responsiblity with the stubborn stub for the sake of baby’s healthy growth. its time to change, all the morning God lets me focus on the topic. i need steady workspace to lead out task from my dad, also from Heaven, while baby needs steady play&study ground for the training challenges during his tennage&youth. its time to change, for the dirty in his mother’s family can’t lead other but to sink&fell. its time to change for my new marriage that’s the shiniest on the northern hemisphere on fatherland of China, on which my new Empire lives 1109 years ahead. its time for change for new lives in my Royal of China, my sons&daughters, ie. princes&princesses from holy preganance arriving.

Its a bright day so far. God, i looking forward to ur seasonal gifts, gifts for baby son, Hope of China, God of Universe, warrenzh, 朱楚甲. he needs a game desktop, as well as tablet&printer to digitalize his homeworks from now on, while i itching for taking over the most powerful computer I had now, an Acer notebook baby&his mom now using, to replace my current Hasee product which a bit outdated. God, i also need renew my registry over domain benzrad.us, which means my life online. God, let me free once and forever from debts (in fact i never owed more than ¥4000, usually total ¥2000 a year, to baby’s mom, main costs r buying baby food when i felt he in low, or to gratify brave&rich under God’s, but that bit caused tons of abuses usually in one aim to satisfy her ill self-importance.) to baby’s mom, the sinful&greedy bitch, a born cheap soul. God, bring my girls in our new families sooner! bring my baby son in elations everyday, with his step mothers’ warm hospitality. i’m sure all my girls will do in our new houses! for we all live under ur shine, in ur spirit, as u promised me! last but nonetheless, God, restore my improved workspace sooner! i love my new desk so much, bring me Internet to surf in light speed, pl!!! God, today literally means my union with baby son, warrenzh, owner of warozhu.com, but i so far staying here lonely. let my girls unbiasedly know that my sole wish is to make family with them, not the dead one since my divorce with baby’s mom. reinforce all goodwill that adds beauties onto my Royal of China, God, u see, my dearest, u see, join me sooner for the unutterable!

17/1/2011

dreamed of wonder again.^yesterday i returned to QRRS Dorms earlier again, after baby with his mom’s companion joined his music lessson. i carried baby to bus stop, told him discreet to use arbitral claim when he claimed would never try muder/killing or other pc games on dark theme. i told him men’s favorite changes in different phrases within his growth. my Taiwan girl in the weekends avoid to eye contacting me, changed her usual suite with school uniform. i knew China surveillance attempting trapping me with accuse of abnormal behavior or cult. they also attempted to seperatet me from my baby son as well as his mom, who more or less still accorded to help me on trifle life, like laundry (paid small amount by me), or store of my old clothings for free, housing us when i visit baby son&game. in the Sunday i turned less immersedly in pc games baby chose, for i wanted to be availabe for my Taiwan girl. baby tried means to attract me, but i just less patient to enjoy his making independent progess in his pc game together. reveiwing baby’s cute loving sacrifices last night on bed, after baby shown low mood in our daily conversation via our mobiles, i was affirmed God’s goodness again. how right&righteous baby always is!

this dawn i dreamed of sinful force. a traditional opera performance team fought against me&my Royal, likely including baby son in the dream, as they mimic the spirit of lion&tiger. its a lenghty dream, after i made water 3 times in the bright moon night. God, u see clear my girls approaching me closer, my new marriage stepping into my life weighted by the change God set forth upon me&my Royal that reshapes world atlas, in the new lunar year of 2011!. God, never allow me fail my girls nor my sons. bring us season gifts in the lunar Spring Festival ahead within a month! dad, God, refresh my holding memories of u, ur life on the earth throught which i saw the timeless&boundless.

11/1/2011

burning month looking forward online life i had been deprived so long since office relocating.^this month really too slow to endue, without Internet. i know sins in China authority, and enemies of my 1109 years’ Empire under title of God, hated to hear my voice from Holy casting online. i visited baby more frequent, sometimes just to avoid the boring in dorm in waiting for the new optical fibre cabled Internet, rumor has it that it will put into operation within a month, to arrive. baby enjoyed some new pc games, as expected. sometimes my scheduled visits broke for the holiday season brings unexpected break on baby&his mom’s agenda. yesterday the conspire/devise/reckon among sinful minds against my web presence brewing in my mind as it occurs in China surveillance the moment. i had to pay attentions sympathetically to those accusations that i’m not rightful to adopt Internet offered by QRRS, my once long time employer&complying agent of China surveillance hidden over me years. in night i decided gaming with baby on pc more meaningful for the new moon. so i did, in the curse by baby’s mom when i arrived. in chill in baby’s room i restless in most dark time on bed, saw through the moral conflict between freedom world in title of YHWH, and that under constant threats&terrors, like Chinese tradition, Confucian, or Islamism. spying in neighbor rooms let me unconfortable, so i got up&kiss baby&woke him&his mom in pre-dawn. later i watched TV in dark, till bored&surfed Internet via lagging home adsl. my blog hosted on163.com days found malfunctioning, and quite some other sites of mine inaccessible, no clue the isp blocking them, or China surveillance directly deployed the blacklist on continental routers. i managed to gain a small game from web till baby with his mom left for his kindergarten, then returned to QRRS’ Dorms, a boring day ahead for the descending of Internet. God, bring me an adequate workspace, bring me my girls&new family! It likely snowing now, holy killing is right time to secure my works online as well as offline. God, Asoh Yukiko, secure my Royal of China, secure my love, secure my forever linkage with the Holy. God, dad, secure my baby son, Hope of China, God of Universe, u know.

Note on family album from baby’s kindergarten party today:
baby’s time in kindergarten so short as i felt. he previously joined a kindergarten near his mom’s house, but soon the kindergarten ran out of service. so he join the kindergarten of my once employer, QRRS, an old style state-owned enterprise. his mom still reluctant to let me visit our baby son there almost for a year. i totally visited baby twice between. once i told baby to stick out to our lucky day ear by ear tearfully, for he just cried before joined his class, as he usually did, for he too active&unable get used to the compulsory noon nap there. the other time i was blocked by the guard from enter the building nor its yard, even can’t get baby out to talk to, as a common phenomenon that legal persons, or in Chinese "单位" (work unit), suppress human individual’s right. the only bottle of juice as my visit’s present also detered&transfered to baby’s mom when she fetching him over time, instead of delivering to baby immediate. his mom scheduled after this lunar Spring Festival of 2011 to let him join a pre-class near her work place, a junior middle school, also near her house. that’s reasonable&undebateable. but still, how i missing months when my office hundreds meter from the QRRS kindergarten, where my best beloved baby son learning sociable, when i felt so rich in the world bestowed. God, forever unite the son&the dad, my baby&me, the proudest father, for nothing on the earth can compare to the purity and beautiful the love is in our hearts, u verify.

4/1/2011

temporary pleasure in want of web in companion with baby who in true complaicent with season gifts.^my web presence deterred for more than 3 weeks since i filed to apply for new office with QRRS, my once long time employer. these days i read some ebooks on my notebook in QRRS Dorms where i stayed as my temporary office. God brought gifts for baby son in time, the bliss so great that baby son, warrenzh, Hope of China, God of Universe, kept giggling these days. i stayed 2 or 3 nights with him in his mom’s house, celebrating year end, the gift season, while all the new year’s day vacation i tried to play pc games with him in daytime, routed between dorm&his mom’s house. i also enjoyed deepening love with my Taiwan girl. baby son now starts to talk to me proactively via his new mobile as season gift supported by bonus from QRRS, also from the saint source, while in the past he usually reluctant to talk to me on his mom’s land phone when i call in. God, thx for ur love upon ur son.

this winter especially warm, even more&heavier snows descended. baby echos the same feeling upon the weather, even he stroke once or more by cold. so many occations i was enchanted by golden sunshine outside, on wall of houses, or street paves, or among branches of trees. i even eager for the coming marriage with my girl zhou, who activated my journey on web for fetching her again since our departure before we got familiar with each other, including each name. God, i didn’t feed up by ur generous gifts, on the contrast, i look forward more surprises ahead. brings me my new families with my girls, unite my life with baby son, warrenzh, the Majesty&the Holy. thank u, God.

22/12/2010

strength of praying in dark&solitude.^these days in QRRS Dorms slept a lot, in God’s glorious arrangement. sometimes read ebook on success, which drives me to retrospect my passed dad, God vivid once in my life, and his successful life&business when he raised our family. i felt the eager to make my own different from the losers around me, including my once colleagues still lingered around, my baby’s mom who humiliated me so lots. i see God’s way so prevailing among people winning. i see the ultra trumph is living every moment with God, the source of life&happiness&success. i also have time to retouch pages, as well as layout of some web apps i distributed under my family domains. God sees how rewarding the task brings. in every blood pulse, i yelling for success, for meaningful, for grace&plenty, for not to continue living up with those losers&falling evils stretching out for brightness like my life so far. in every inner sight, i call forth heart prayer to live new and higher with God’s almighty, to get rid of being disposable, not to tolerate dirt&mess&dispossession any more. Son of men and his glory under holy shine is due, from now on.

in these days&nights without Internet, i rested a lot, scrutinized my business pattern or moral. mayber its time to upgrade. sins once on my way toward holy hurt heavily, &that’s partially why my web presence temporarily deprived for more than a week. but God, u see&u promises me, my domain shines even more in future. the world will see the most successful, the most invincible business is the way of Holy Spirit. God, grant me the cornerstone of the shrine of ur presence, grows my Royal on the earth like the forever harmony in Heaven, in ur title, under ur shine. God, bring me my girls in our prime time.

17/12/2010

looking into freedom of bright, after trapped in separation from the web.^these days I waiting for my new office deponds on QRRS’ official decision, after i filed dispute with the sinful gays in my old one. i enjoyed reading in scholar works or thsis on International politics, philosophy, etc. been separeted from Internet is painful, but God sees the best settlement for the interest of Royal of China, as well as my personal intelligence wakeup. this afternoon i reveiwed source, history&meaning of my web presence, see clear divine duty’s call from the start, when i enjoyed sharing online of living experience, ever-evalueable moment in baby son, warrenzh’s life stemming up from his infancy, for the sake of golden memory of the best beloved in the world to know. i see clear my way on the road of success, of fame, of forever green in timeless river of life. i see clear why the pastime of blogging turned into burning cry for God’s bliss, for my girls’ descending. i see clear the stimulas of China’s pitfall, the struggle behind people in light of hope&peace.

Its a sunny Friday, i cherished my free time as usual, but great bliss from Heaven ahead, i assert. God, live me in forever happiness, lives my Royal of China sustainably right&bright.

8/12/2010

a day ends in delight.^yesterday is for my second wife, Crowned Queen of China from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. arrived in office early, soon in sunshine. but the sin in office, the monitor, continued to struggle on its door: closed door once i open it, kicked it to shown his dominating. i later roamed in the corridor to avoid the dirt. the facing sin also joined. when its sunny i called the high rank in QRRS, a Zhou, about my urgent need to change an office. the office soon brewing in agitation about my appeal. when i busy with sorting my bookmarklet, the deputy director talked to me, soon the monitor stood against my desk to accuse. among the 2 sins’ curses&threats, i left office in elation. God, grant me a new work place, for the dying old one now sinking into desert&noname. God, bring my girl Zhou sooner to me, bring my new family. in dawn i dreamed of raising a python at home. baby son appears in my dream.

7/12/2010

a day in hot water.^yesterday mainly posting a blog to include recent tweets, &mother’s elapse. posting smoothly except myspace, which failed my logon many times. the sins in office attacked necklessly, the office door again been kicked&quite some evil ears on the floor watched up. i also saw lesbian among female colleagues among the staff, when i visited the neighbor room where there r 4 women. God all time accompanies me. when i joined the canteen, all troubles turns into warm smile.my 2nd elder sister called in just after i finished my dinner. this dawn dreamed of Holy message, upon tolerance&mightiness from Heaven, killing&suffering for the righteous. Its a crisp morning, but Sunshine already redden the horizon. God, bring me my girls, esp my Taiwan girl. bring me into my new family&fun of partnership.

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From in deep winter 2010, &early beams of spring 2011
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From in deep winter 2010, &early beams of spring 2011
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From Baby’s farewell party in QRRS kindergarten

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