benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉











{March 5, 2009}   benark route 03/05/2009

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utterli-image
the 3rd snow in lunar 2009 descending since mid morning, just leaving
yesterday’s sunshine in the past. last night i tried to post a blog entry i
wrote in office before the end of work time, but China surveillance heavily
blocking and spying my posting on home pc. so much dirty i guessed in the
process, that a snow this morning needed to cover its smelliness. when i
left home in the morning, its just dripping, but gradually turned into a
strong snow. i felt the threat of spying eyes on home pc upon my web
credential, but more felt blessed in the drizzle. i esp. loving the shallow
sorrow mood rains bring to me, as *a life memory* when i grew up in rains
plenty central China, where my home town locates.
this morning i continued to post latest blog entry to more channels of my
web presence. dirty from the ill persons around constantly challenged me,
they r dead in fact. i shot some picture in office, now that i second time
brought my camera, a FujiFilm FinePix S2000HD with me at noon, for the snow
and my long time dream to everywhere with another eye of witness. i hope u
can see the factual snow scene here.

ok, i don’t intend to babble more. ema still in bitter with me. i hold no
brief for anyone with a profiting eyes upon holy thing. i toward and more
and more inward with *glory i deserve*.

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utterli-image
these days ema again colder shoulders to me. that let me review my situation
for more than an hour yesterday. but i finally *settled*, after seeing her
dark and sin. however after i woke up from a later doze in office, i felt
sad. i don’t want to hurt her, and i know she under pressure and distress
exceeding her constrain. her reckons and the demon influence from her
mother, with a family name ruan, the same syllables can means in Chinese
soft, appeared in my mind and i felt i can do nothing except letting her to
choose in silent action. i follow God’s way and in no way to fear men’s
choice, no matter upon my way on the earth nor on other matters concerning
me or my beloved. God saves the faith, in his creatures on the earth.
however, silent dispute at home let me sad, i esp felt sad upon the time i
can be with my best beloved, warren, my baby son, my God, and the hope of
China, who brings me so pleasure now and then, here and there. i mean to
change, but don’t figure to tear off our band in harmony with pains or
bleedings. however, after all, i trust God sees my way ahead, over any
unclear.

last afternoon in instant message i got known the mother-in-law of my second
elder sister passed away. her husband also in family name ruan, the same as
that of ema’s mother, God lets it interwove and sins to die in sins they
committed. in the night i likely caught in a nightmare in which the old
woman exert fear in me. then my passed dad, my God and my forever hero,
returns home, just like missing a gathering and be late awhile. His seat
just there unchanged.

that’s my highest pleasure, to see my dad in my dream. i didn’t attend his
funeral ceremony, and that led my always unease. i know he love me so much
and i know he glad to see my absence from him in the end of his life on the
earth, knowing me in the road to reclaim our vested land of China in title
of family name zhu, and the only son doing the predefined task in sight of our
ancestor, the Emperor of Ming Dynasty.

its a bright day today. God knows how i cherish the bright and warmth. these
days Chinese laid off a lot in sinking enterprises in troubled economy, like
occur in other parts of the world. i know God see its a way leading me
through the block behind, toward the reunion with my all beloved girls, my
crowned queens.

bye. that’s my utterance today. i love seeing my space extending, like the
wind spreading the message. love make u glad, just like it do me. i love u.

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et cetera